Big Body Games '22

The 2022 Big Body Games is upon us

With only days remaining the athletes have little time to pack on any remaining weight to prepare themselves for the events. It is with heavy hearts that we must announce that the Doctors will be unable to compete in this years event. Baby fever has taken ahold of them and we are unsure when they may appear next in the big body games. We were all looking forward to seeing if Panarello would repeat as the girthiest athlete or if Boy Wonder had regain his confidence after a narrow defeat in last year’s event. That being said, we still expect a girthy turn out for this year’s events. Significant life changes have happened over the past year that may alter the course of the big body games. Read on to find out this years predictions for bringing home the trophy.

Frog man takes a big leap in 2022

Eric is a shoe in for taking home at least one trophy at the end of this event. Barring a dramatic comeback from any other athlete, Eric should be the biggest body showing up at the 2022 event. The events this year favor Eric, but will he have enough in him to take home first place? I think not, Eric is still recovering from not being able to knock down the king in last year’s event. I expect a big win from Eric in beer die but it will not be enough. The peanut gallery can only hope that we do not witness a meltdown in 2022.

Prediction: Newly Crowned Biggest Body

Projected Place: 2nd

The Corporate Man

Eliot is no longer a man of the start-up, but don’t expect him to be 10% happier or any less salty. Rumor has it that he dresses up in suit and tie every morning and has subscribed to the Wall Street Journal. Who would have guessed that he would have traded lifestyles with Mr. Picca. Does this mean he will take the spot as smallest body? Of course not. Home court advantage will be too hard for the competitors to fight off. We will see a newly crowned champion in this year’s event. May only hope is he won’t be wearing a suit and tie to the medal ceremony.

Prediction: Winner Winner, Chicken Dinner

Projected Place: 1st

Employed or Unemployed?

After a predictable and abysmal performance in 2021, we sense a change in the standings for Picca Picca. Unemployment may have been what the Dr. order as he has had ample time to rest his knees after a scary collapse in the girth off. However, Picca will be too distracted to get over the hump to take 1st place. He will be heavily invested in trying to convince Amazon and CVS to acquire his non-existent product and he will not be able to break into the top 2. Expect a lot of middle finishes but at least it can’t get any worse than the 2021 results.

Prediction: Definitely unemployed

Projected Place: 3rd

West Coast is definitely NOT the best coast

Let me guess, you think “The Kid” is going to walk into the events and easily repeat? Think again. Red eye flights and hippie beers have taken a tool on Laviano. He will start off strong but will slow quickly with the time change and east coast brews. I’m not going to say it’s a definite, but don’t be surpised with a 5th place finish this year. Big bodies are not meant for triathalons and this year’s event will prove this theory. My advice to the reigning champ is to concede early and regroup for 2023.

Prediction: Small Body

Projected Place: T-4thd

The southern boy needs to move North

Tim may appear his normal self but don’t be tricked he is definitely not. The heat has taken a toll on Tim and he has recently recovered from a bout of cellulitis. Wasp bites to his left arm will cause some errant throws, don’t be shocked if you see the opposing team in helmets. He may be a crowd favorite but Tim will not be taking home the trophy. Until he is able to move back to New England and come back to himself we will not see a first place finish. My guess is that 2024 will be the year of the Tim.

Prediction: Small Body

Projected Place: T-4th