Place | Total Points | Player | Kubb | Pennyball | Beer Die |
---|---|---|---|---|---|
1 | 17 | Joe Laviano | 7 | 5 | 5 |
2 | 10 | Tim Takach | 0 | 7 | 3 |
3 | 9 | Eliot Johnson | 1 | 1 | 7 |
4 | 7 | Nick Picca | 3 | 3 | 1 |
5 | 5 | Eric Holtzman | 5 | 0 | 0 |
The Big Body Games (BBG) are an event based upon three founding principles: athleticism, dexterity, and sportsmanship. This proven trifecta brings athletes together in a weekend-long, eventfilled tournament of backyard sports and healthy competition, with the goal of fostering both an aggressive athletic atmosphere and an environment founded on fraternity and camaraderie.
Not Used for 2022
The undisputed king of the Girth Lap, Mr. Johnson has a lot to prove after an abysmal finish in 2021 (last place in Spikeball, 6th place in Kubb). The only weaker showing of that fateful weekend was Picca's knees; he'll have a long off-season to sharpen his skills and prove that he can still be a contender.
It was a low residue weekend in 2021, as Eric failed to reach the top 3 even after a stellar showing in Kubb (2nd Place). The crowd hopes he's learned how to throw a frisbee in the off-season, but keeps his full-contact approach to every game and definitely cleans up in the Truly department.
We can't say we're surprised - the kid wins at his own game. Winning 3 out of the 5 events in 2021 (Spikeball, Kubb and Cornhole), Joe looked fierce and effectively unbeatable during the daytime. He did go an astounding 0-4 in Beer Die, showing his only true weakness - staying up past 9:00. He's certainly the favorite for 2023, but will have to work on his endurance to keep up with the rest of the field, as the wolf climbing the mountain is always hungrier than the one already at the top.
The king of peaking early, a first place finish in Event 1 (Polish Horseshoes) took a disatrous turn as Picca ended the weekend tied for dead-last. And, just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, his once chance to save his pride and dignity was overrun when Picca put up a giant DNF in the girth lap. Two years should be plenty of time for the knees to recover, but who knows if you can truly ever come back from that kind of defeat.
In 2021, we all witnessed the textbook definition of overconfidence. "Bucket hat Tim" came through like a bat out of hell, demolishing the field after one day of competition. However, 5th place finishes in both events on Day 2 (Kubb, Cornhole) dropped the champion-to-be from the top of the leaderboard all the way down to a bronze medal finish. Defeat isn't all bad, however, as Tim is keeping active in the off-season and is primed for a true comeback in 2023.
With only days remaining the athletes have little time to pack on any remaining weight to prepare themselves for the events. It is with heavy hearts that we must announce that the Doctors will be unable to compete in this years event. Baby fever has taken ahold of them and we are unsure when they may appear next in the big body games. We were all looking forward to seeing if Panarello would repeat as the girthiest athlete or if Boy Wonder had regain his confidence after a narrow defeat in last year’s event. That being said, we still expect a girthy turn out for this year’s events. Significant life changes have happened over the past year that may alter the course of the big body games. Read on to find out this years predictions for bringing home the trophy.
Eric is a shoe in for taking home at least one trophy at the end of this event. Barring a dramatic comeback from any other athlete, Eric should be the biggest body showing up at the 2022 event. The events this year favor Eric, but will he have enough in him to take home first place? I think not, Eric is still recovering from not being able to knock down the king in last year’s event. I expect a big win from Eric in beer die but it will not be enough. The peanut gallery can only hope that we do not witness a meltdown in 2022.
Prediction: Newly Crowned Biggest Body
Projected Place: 2nd
Eliot is no longer a man of the start-up, but don’t expect him to be 10% happier or any less salty. Rumor has it that he dresses up in suit and tie every morning and has subscribed to the Wall Street Journal. Who would have guessed that he would have traded lifestyles with Mr. Picca. Does this mean he will take the spot as smallest body? Of course not. Home court advantage will be too hard for the competitors to fight off. We will see a newly crowned champion in this year’s event. May only hope is he won’t be wearing a suit and tie to the medal ceremony.
Prediction: Winner Winner, Chicken Dinner
Projected Place: 1st
After a predictable and abysmal performance in 2021, we sense a change in the standings for Picca Picca. Unemployment may have been what the Dr. order as he has had ample time to rest his knees after a scary collapse in the girth off. However, Picca will be too distracted to get over the hump to take 1st place. He will be heavily invested in trying to convince Amazon and CVS to acquire his non-existent product and he will not be able to break into the top 2. Expect a lot of middle finishes but at least it can’t get any worse than the 2021 results.
Prediction: Definitely unemployed
Projected Place: 3rd
Let me guess, you think “The Kid” is going to walk into the events and easily repeat? Think again. Red eye flights and hippie beers have taken a tool on Laviano. He will start off strong but will slow quickly with the time change and east coast brews. I’m not going to say it’s a definite, but don’t be surpised with a 5th place finish this year. Big bodies are not meant for triathalons and this year’s event will prove this theory. My advice to the reigning champ is to concede early and regroup for 2023.
Prediction: Small Body
Projected Place: T-4thd
Tim may appear his normal self but don’t be tricked he is definitely not. The heat has taken a toll on Tim and he has recently recovered from a bout of cellulitis. Wasp bites to his left arm will cause some errant throws, don’t be shocked if you see the opposing team in helmets. He may be a crowd favorite but Tim will not be taking home the trophy. Until he is able to move back to New England and come back to himself we will not see a first place finish. My guess is that 2024 will be the year of the Tim.
Prediction: Small Body
Projected Place: T-4th
The Bet Board remained offline for 2022
Eliot | Eric | Joe | Panarello | Picca | Theo | Tim | |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
Eliot | It's Resistor | Atomic Hotel Erotica | Turn Around Lenny | Bintang Tank Top | United States v. Zantac | Engaged and Enraged | |
Eric | It's Resistor | Too Spicy | Girth | Roommates, Not Friends | Supply and Demand | Rumble Ready | |
Joe | Atomic Hotel Erotica | Too Spicy | Godfather Part I | Godfather Part II | Dream Team | Hot Tub Folliculitis | |
Panarello | Turn Around Lenny | Girth | Godfather Part I | The Base Layers | Malpractice Makes Perfect | No Flower, No Blouse | |
Picca | Bintang Tank Top | Roommates, not Friends | Godfather Part II | The Base Layers | IV League | Boost Looters | |
Theo | United States v. Zantac | Supply and Demand | Dream Team | Malpractice Makes Perfect | IV League | White Fragility | |
Tim | Engaged and Enraged | Rumble Ready | Hot Tub Folliculitis | No Flower, No Blouse | Boost Looters | White Fragility |